that (artzy) girl

SO THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO LOSE YOUR SHIT OVER SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T MATTER AT ALL

IN A TOTALLY DIGNIFIED WAY OF COURSE

amamakphoto:

‘ROID WEEK is off to a good start for amamak!

Things did not look good this morning what with the oppressive humidity, bits of rain and complete lack of colour in the sky. Yet we were determined to shoot and, because the photo Gods smiled upon us, the light got nice (it got even hotter) and it all kind of worked out. So here’s to that!

Click the pic for Flickr + larger view. The sharpening did kill it a little though. Regardless, cheers!

(11.7.11)

I don’t get how photographers can run their little internet empires.

There are just so many stupid things to DO. Scanning, editing, cropping, watermarks, linking about, titles, figuring how to format and tag things so that there’s NOT just a bunch of “it was so hot today” and “weird weather in montreal 2011” and “seriously fuck the heat” tags. And all this after running around TAKING the damn pictures. That’s the easy part. Easy, but, you know, not easy. They must have minions who do this stuff for them, right? Because real people who aren’t me have lives and stuff right? I guess in this case I’m Michelle’s minion and she’s just the photographic genius ‘cause she’s out having dinner with her boyfriend right now. (LOVE YOU MATT)

I guess that’s what I get for being a lazy perfectionist. Or, you know, just a spaz. These things bother other people, too, right? Oh it’s just me? Great awesome. Clearly this is going to be a very long week. Now excuse me while I attempt to read roughly, what, 3000 pages worth of Harry Potter before Thursday night.

My resolutions for 2011.

I have other ones, specific ones, like learn how to drive and get a job and sell art, but when I get into those sort of things I tend to get carried away and doom myself to failure straight away.

For now I’m sensing this is going to be a big year for me, internet-wise. & now I’m going to go draw something, hopefully.

Sooo…

What I would really like to do right now is draw something great. Or just create something. In some way. Preferably great, if that’s an option.

But I feel tired and miserable and that makes me not want to do anything ever and at the same time it’s making me create this huge, horrible list of things I’d like to do before the coming year and they’re really not all that not-doable but they are for me and I hope to do them but ugh I always make lists of things that are really just far too daunting for ANYONE who isn’t superhuman, which especially includes me because I’m very very human. But I digress. This list includes clearing out messages, and my thousands of post its/drafts/terrible photos/etc, backing up my computer (ver import), cleaning my room, de-cluttering (something I can assure you I am not very good at), throwinggiving away many many clothes and such I have no particular use for, using things I do have use for but don’t want to use, creating clear goals for myself for 2011, assessing all the things I did wrong in 2010, maybe trying to pawn things off on my followers, (If you’re reading this, you’re wonderful. And I’m sorry.) and uh probably taming unicorns or other things I’ll be equally likely to get done.

But like I said I feel like a big ball of poop. So instead I’m going to watch piles of Buffy (Christmas gifts!) and try to make myself feel normal again

My life today:

Resolve to draw something, spend at least an hour carefully sorting through photos for idea
Avoid any kind of helpful, productive, activity
Spend many hours on tumblr instead
Post things
Delete things
Post things again
Angst
Resolve to draw something FOR REAL
Can’t find tablet pen
Angst
Stupid questions about tablet from family
Angst
Find pen underneath couch cushion (what?)
Rejoice
New resolve to draw
Resolve gone
Looking at sappy pictures of boyfriend and I
Instant sixth-sense interest from every member of family
PANIC
Quiet rage
Going to draw FOR REALS this time
Being called away to make latkes
Take three minutes to type this up
Get called slow by family (WE SEE THE IRONY, RIGHT?)
Fuck it, latkes are awesome, I’ll just draw tomorrow.

Went to Michelle’s last night for some good old-fashioned amamakery.

We looked through couple month-old polaroids which had been forgotten about, (and therefore could be more thoroughly appreciated without those meddlesome expectations getting in the way) took some slutty flash pictures, broke out the black and white film, set up Michelle’s (frankly, awesome) lights, turned her room into a borderline porno set… all good fun!

And yes, that is a batman mask.

Choices.

I don’t do well with them, at all. In life a lot, but for now I’ll just stick to talking about them in the arty sense.

It’s sort of like how I think that every photo shoot represents more opportunities lost than taken. I mean, obviously doing something > doing nothing, but there’s basically an endless number of things you could do any time you’re shooting and chances are you’re just going to settle for what’s easy and good, as opposed to harder and, maybe, oh, great? If you’re lazy that is, like I am, and like most people are. Same concept applies to art about a thousand times over.

In the past month I’ve started using photoshop for drawing, working directly and only in photoshop, which is new for me, and has yielded really positive results, much to my surprise, except for the annoying voice at the back of my head (=mine) thinking about how I’m not taking advantage of any kind of custom brushes, I’m adhering too strictly to the original drawing, I’m not being creative enough, whether colour was at all necessary or I should have just stuck with black and white, plus I keep getting to that point where I’m sick of something and feel like I can’t ever look at it again or I decide it’s finished completely arbitrarily.

I guess my problem is with the idea of settling, which is what I’m constantly doing, but I wish I wasn’t. Except that really, unless you have an absolute idea of what you want to create in your head beforehand, which is kind of ridiculous within itself, you’re always going to have to settle. So maybe it’s more like knowing when to stop. Yeah, I like that. I’m going with that.

Anyways, here’s a half-done drawing I posted months ago, which isn’t even digital at all (at this point), just to mess with you. Also notice the 64 in the background? Yeah, I’m cool. I’m going to go work on a different drawing now in photoshop which is nerdy and maybe a present for Tom that you’ll all see in a bit. So yeah thanks for reading this rant, if you did. Just something on my mind.

Something I had written on a random piece of paper as part of an argument at some point.
I still agree with myself.

At my country house for the weekend, things that have happened;

• Discovered that my killers shirt and black bra have apparently been here since August.
• My dad fixed my awesome headphones which I haven’t been able to use for months.
• My mom bought me this adorably ill-fitting sweater thing.
• I discovered leftover birthday cake and ate practically half of it.
• French toast!
• Kitties!
• Pictures of bunny!
• Brought my tablet, but forgot the pen (d’oh). Also brought a ton of random reference photos and like three different sketchbooks.
• And a bunch of dvds to watch.
• I’ve basically spent 48 hours on tumblr and done none of that.
• Oh also at one point my dad came into my room and started playing around with the settings on my camera and ACCIDENTALLY DISABLED AUTO FOCUS and then was like “what on earth could this be it’s definitely nothing I did” until I restored default settings and gave him a smirky face because it TOTALLY WAS HIS FAULT. That was nice.

Going to go watch a foreign movie and draw my mom a birthday present now.